Oh, Fanfic was being a real mess when I posted the last chapter. People got alerts but the chapter was not online. I did get a lot of lovely reviews (thank you *kisses*) which means some of you found the chapter – no thanks to Fanfic
I`m leaving for Morocco (yaaayy) on Saturday and figured I might as well post this chapter before I left. I just hope you will be able to read it.
I wish I could bring Rascalthemutant with me to Morocco, but since I can`t, I`ll have to settle with thanking her for her great beta skills!
I own nothing – Charlaine Harris owns everything. Including a fantastic talent. All I own is my envy.
I`ll be fine,
I stared at the message. It hadn`t been that easy for me to ask her if she wanted me to come to her. I wasn`t used to begging – or even asking – women if they wanted me. With Sookie I seemed to constantly be doing that.
Yes, I knew she was not entirely herself right now but I was beginning to wonder if it was more than that. Sookie mentioned our age difference way too much. Did she really not think we had a future? A future together, that is.
I wasn`t entirely stupid. I knew we weren`t a match made in heaven – and the difference in age was just one of the obstacles standing in our way. The distance between her apartment and mine was huge too.
But I could be a nurse anywhere and being an author wasn`t exactly a job where you had to clock in every morning at nine and had to stay at the office until four. She could write here if she really wanted to. I would vacuum my dust bunnies, if needed.
When Sookie and I were together, I enjoyed how we could just be together and not have to talk. And not just because we had great sex when we weren`t talking. We were just comfortable in each other`s company. Most women wanted to talk. They asked and probed and I never really knew what to answer. With Sookie I could just be me. I could relax.
When we were apart, the non-talking was a problem, though. At least in my opinion. I wanted Sookie to make statements. To say what she felt about me. To tell me she was coming to visit me.
But she did none of it. Even if I prompted her.
Luckily I had my exams to dive into. My days consisted of reading, working out, going to school, reading and sending a few emails to Sookie.
I didn`t go to any parties and I didn`t flirt with anyone. Not that there were any parties to go to. Everyone I knew was busy studying.
I could have flirted if I had wanted to. I just didn`t. I wasn`t sure when I`d decided I was committed to Sookie – that she was my exclusive. I just found that none of the sweet-natured – or naughty-natured, as it were – girls in my class were interesting at all.
They were too silly, too boring, too … not Sookie.
But as much as I wanted Sookie here – she was in New York and I wasn`t.
I`d set up Google Search to pick up any mention of her name. She was a celebrity and I found myself checking her various fansites for news more often than I cared to admit. If it hadn`t been a creepy thing to do I might have paid a private detective to follow her or I might have hacked into her email.
I wanted to know more than she was telling me and following whatever was said about her online was the only semi-normal way I could think of to get the information I craved.
It was on the night of my first written exam – Drug Calculations – I read about Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial for the first time.
I`d said no to the countless number of invitations for “a beer to celebrate” because I had just wanted to go home.
I was turning into a real monk and I wasn`t sure how I felt about that. Just as I wasn`t sure how I felt about Sookie. Was it love? Infatuation?
When I read about the trial, or some gossip magazine`s version of the trial, I found one more thing I wasn`t sure how I felt about. Well, I hated the news. Absolutely hated it. And I wanted to throw the reporter in front of a train.
But why hadn`t Sookie told me about it? Told me there was a trial. That she had to be a witness. That they would treat her like that. She should have come to me for support.
I would have … done something.
This was what filled me with mixed feelings. The fact that Sookie chose not to involve me in something like that made me sad.
The news filled me with rage. Especially when I realized Sookie was suffering because of me. Apparently her ex-husband was trying to get off the hook for attacking Sookie because she had a lover. “A young and handsome lover,” according to the gossip magazine.
There was an interview with Bill`s defense attorney, one Johan Glassport, and it made me want to tear up my computer.
“Mr. Compton is the real victim here. Ms. Stackhouse used him when she was a young and struggling author. When she found financial success with the vampire series she`s currently writing, she threw him away like an old dishrag and found herself a younger lover.
Mr. Compton has always been very proud of being Ms. Stackhouse`s inspiration for the male character in her series and was devastated when Ms. Stackhouse not only filed for divorce but decided to let her young lover inspire a new character in her series. A character that will be the new lover of the leading female character.
Mr. Compton has been nothing but supportive of Ms. Stackhouse and was appalled when he saw how cold-hearted the love of his life was. Violence never solves anything, and Mr. Compton wishes nothing more than to undo what he did to Ms. Stackhouse. He wants to apologize, but she has never let him have a chance at doing that.
I want to add that the trauma Ms. Stackhouse allegedly has been through seems rather exaggerated when one looks at Mr. Comptons`s physique. And the trauma Mr. Compton has been through because of Ms. Stackhouse`s actions should be taken into consideration too.”
The phone rang just as I was reading through the interview a second time. I was amazed I didn`t break the phone when I answered it. My rage was that bad. I took a deep breath.
“Yes,” I answered. My mother had tried to teach me to answer with my full name but people calling me knew who they were calling so what would be the point?
“How did the exam go?” It was Pam. Apparently our mother hadn`t succeeded any better with her.
I had to search my brain. Exam? Oh yeah, I`d had my first exam today. It seemed like ages ago after having read that awful article.
“You don`t sound like it went fine,” my ever perceptive sister stated.
“It was something else …” I thought for a few seconds. “Sookie`s ex-husband`s trial has started,” I said.
“Yeah, I know.”
“You know?” I asked. I didn`t know Sookie had made such an impression on Pam that she would follow American gossip magazines too.
“She told me. It`s awful. Really awful. I mean, what she`s …” That was as far as Pam got because I couldn`t hold back.
“SHE TOLD YOU?”
“Yes. It`s hardly a secret and I`m sorry if you thought she only told you things like that,” Pam said in a dry voice. “Sookie and I have been corresponding quite a bit. I like her.”
“What the fuck?”
Sookie had told Pam and not me?
“Don`t get your dick in a knot, Eric. I don`t like her like that. You know who I love,” Pam said in a sad voice that calmed me down like a bucket of cold water.
I knew. Miriam was the love of Pam`s life – only Pam had been thrown out of Miriam`s life when Miriam found out that her breast cancer would kill her. She didn`t want Pam to suffer – or so she`d said. Only, it had made Pam suffer a hell of a lot more.
“Yeah, I know. Any news about Miriam?” I asked, pondering for a moment about Pam and me both falling for women who wouldn`t include us in the tragedies of their lives.
“She`s back at the Radiumhospital,” Pam said, her professional voice taking over.
The Radiumhospital was the best hospital for cancer patients in the country. It was also death row for so many people.
“So what are you going to do?” I asked.
“What are you going to do about Sookie?” Pam asked me back.
“I asked first,” I answered – going straight back to my nine-year-old self.
“I`m going to pursue her, of course. I know why she`s rejecting me and it`s not because she doesn`t like me.” Pam sounded very sure. “Now you, Eric.”
I paused for a moment. Then I took a deep breath because Pam had always had this ability of making me talk about things I didn`t want to talk about. And I really didn`t want to talk about this.
“I`m still here,” she said when I hadn`t replied. She was using her big sister voice.
“I know, Pam. And I wish I had your confidence,” I admitted. “Sookie never told me about the trial.” I sat down.
“And you think that`s a secret sign for her not having any feelings for you?” Pam asked.
“She should have told me,” I argued.
“Yeah. And you`ve told her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her?”
“That`s different,” I answered. It was different. I just wanted to be included in Sookie`s life. I wasn`t asking her for any promises.
“You want a woman who has been knocked out by her ex to open up to some blond and blue-eyed – and I mean that in all senses of blond and blue-eyed – guy who lives on the other side of the globe. That makes perfect sense, Eric. Perfect.” Pam could hardly have been more sarcastic.
“She opened up to you,” I said. I was pissed now.
“And she doesn`t have to be concerned with what I think about her,” Pam fired back.
“She doesn`t have to be concerned about me either. She knows I … ” I stopped, not sure what I was going to say. What I could say.
“There you go, little brother. She knows nothing.”
Yes, I know – this was a shorty. I`ll try to finish the next chapter before I leave and I`ll hopefully be able to post it when I`m back.
Have a nice Easter!